Staying Strong and Enjoying the Journey of Life

I think most people, if not all, would say that life hasn’t always gone as planned at some point in their lives. This has certainly been the case for my life in many instances. The key to this point, though, is that even when life is hard, complicated, frustrating, lonely, heart wrenching, or whatever else someone may be experiencing, each one of us has a reason to keep pushing forward and ENJOY the journey of life.

I wish I could say that throughout the whole time I have been dealing with my challenges—and with NMO in particular—I have completely thrown out fear, doubt, frustration, negative feelings, and confusion. I will say that I have been blessed to have an overall wonderful outlook and perspective on this challenge, but it doesn’t mean it has been easy or that I’ve been happy through it all. People have told me that I am strong, courageous, kind, happy, and inspirational during this whole process. I sincerely appreciate these compliments and encouragements, but I haven’t been perfect while climbing this mountain. For the most part, it sincerely has been easy to smile when I encounter others because I know God has a plan for me, and I could share this knowledge I have with anyone. I truly know Christ has helped me overcome so much and continues to do so, I just love to share His light. Since He has been the light in my life, I want all to experience His wonderful joy He can bring into one’s life. While discussing my situation with others, I have shared my perspective that everything will fully work out in the end, and even if the worst came, which I have had a small taste of, and I did become blind or paralyzed, I still would be okay. I really would be. So many people in this world are dealing with this now, and they are doing it! But even though I have this perspective, I will say that there have been moments when I’m alone, or with a close family member or friend, where it has been a grind to pull myself up, and really, truly trust that the Lord will help me through my hard moments. I do know that He will always be there for me or anyone else if we call to Him, but it still isn’t easy to completely hand your life over to the Lord. During those summer days in the hospital, I felt like I was handing over my ability to ever walk again in His hands. It sure wasn’t easy for me to accept this if it were to be my case, but I had to tell myself deep down that I’d do whatever the Lord needed me to do. He had a plan for me, and I was going to do it.

It has been an ongoing process and it still continues to be so. There have been moments when I break down and cry and times I struggle looking at myself in the mirror. I have also had times where I just look at myself in the mirror and feel sad for the changes my body has taken. It’s hard to see the effects of medicine on my young body. I’ve worried whether or not a young man would ever take me for who I truly am. I have wondered what the purpose of all of this is, and why of all people it is me dealing with this. I’ve never thought it in a dreadful, “poor me” type of way, but rather in true sincerity I’ve asked, why does the Lord want me to live with this condition and how will it bring me and others closer to Christ? I wish I knew the the complete answer to some of these, and I wish I could overcome these difficult and straining feelings at times...

BUT

I have learned to look at myself in the mirror, and tell myself that my outside doesn’t define me. I have gotten myself to look deep down at who I am, for I am a child of God. A child of an Almighty, Wonderful God who loves me and whom I love! I have had to tell myself with the changes my body has made that it will only last a period of time and that I am truly beautiful. I have looked at myself and said that I will conquer these challenges my body is taking a beating for, and that I will accept whatever the future holds for me. I have looked me in the eye and said, “you can do this, you were made for this!” I have had to accept that some things are totally out of my control, and if my medicine makes me have chubbier cheeks than I used to have, then it is for the better, and I still love me for WHO I am. I have decided that even though I wonder if a young man will ever want to marry me, that when one day it does happen, I will know he is THAT much better because he is willing to fight this with me and that he truly does love me for who I am. I have realized that he will truly know me, love me deeper, and will really be there for me. I just hope to be as wonderful as he is. I have decided the Lord has this challenge in store for me just like He has challenges for each of His children to face. This was the perfect challenge for me, and it helps me grow closer to Him. It’s been hard and continues to be so, but it is so worth it.

Even though at times I question what I am going through, or have times when I feel down, I know I can bring myself back up because of my Lord and Savior. He has made it possible for me to overcome my worst fears and struggles. But, it is my choice that I accept Him. It is my choice that I will continue to fight. It is my choice to enjoy the journey of my life.

My Life Is A Miracle

My blog is about some recent experiences that have affected me and will affect me for the rest of my life. I have felt it is important for me to share this for others to hear of my experiences. The blog is called MY Time to Stand because of the metaphorical meaning to stand amidst a challenge, and the literal challenge it has been for me to stand. I hope my experiences being shared will be a blessing to others!

I am working on writing everything down, but here is a rundown of what happened:

In the middle of May I started to have some weird sensations in my abdomen area. It ended up leading to severe back pain and weakness in my legs. It soon led to me going numb from my chest down and it got to the extreme that I experienced losing the ability to walk. Then, in the middle of September, I also lost the ability to see out of most of my left eye. In short, I have been a paralyzed and blind woman who now walks and sees.

Well, as everyone should now know (or if you had no idea that anything happened), I have come back miraculously from these experiences! I have not only regained the ability to walk, but to run! I have returned back to golfing and working out with my golf team. I have also nearly regained all of my vision.  I am beyond grateful that these have only lasted for a period of time. I know that by the grace of God, prayers and fasts in my behalf, faith, the power of the priesthood, positivity, humility, modern medicine, and several other factors, I have been able to mostly regain these deficits. So, thank you all so much for your help getting me to where I am now. There is no way I could have done it without all the support I have had.

So where am I now?

Well, thanks to my stellar parents, two months ago they were able to figure out the reason of these attacks to my body, and found that I have an extremely rare autoimmune disease (NMO or Devic’s Disease) that could lead to experiences of paralysis and blindness occurring again. Both of my neurologists have confirmed this diagnosis, and we have made a game plan to hopefully help my body not have any attacks again.

I started a treatment that has been successful so far. Time is going to be the big indicator though on whether or not it is working. From my first attack to second attack, it was a four month period without being on any treatment at all. Two weeks ago, I got my first dose of my treatment and today I got my second. I will wait six months to get the treatment again. If I do not have any more attacks I’m going to keep getting treatment. Basically the treatment is going to help suppress my immune system. I get it through an IV and it can take anywhere from 3-6 hours to get it infused. The drug is actually typically used as a cancer drug, but through research, the neurologist I met at the MAYO Clinic was confident this was the best route to go. Now, I am mostly in a waiting game to see if my body can stay in the state that it is now, and possibly get even better. I am back to living as much of a normal life as I can handle, and everyday I thank my Heavenly Father that I am able to walk and see. I still have some numbness on my right side, but it is very manageable, and I am pretty much the only person that can notice it.

To be honest, initially getting the news of having NMO was a scary thought. The experiences within themselves were difficult, but I had hoped that they were mostly just freak experiences. Only about 4,000 people in the U.S. are known to have my condition, so there are a lot of unknowns of what will happen. I’ve read about other people’s experiences with NMO, and I know I am blessed to be where I am now. Although it has been a difficult process, my life and perspective has changed, and I know life will turn out for me how it is supposed to. It really has been an incredible miracle that I have come to the point I am today. I want all to know that I have seen many tender mercies, and I know it has been because God has been good to me. My recovery wasn’t just handed to me though, work has been required. I have had to fight to get to where I am. I also know it is because of the many people who have prayed and fasted for me, I have felt the impact of those in my recovery process.

My life is a miracle! I cannot deny it. I knew God was real before these experiences, but I have come to understand Him better and I have seen His role in my life so much greater through my experiences. If life is hard for you, keep on fighting. Look for the tender mercies in your life, for life isn’t so bad unless you make it that way. God is leading you along even if you can’t see so right now. There will be things in your life that you can control and things you can’t control. Work on improving those things you can control, and have faith that those things you can’t control will get worked out because they will. The trials we go through may be a long and hard process, but having a positive outlook will help you get through it. Keep on believing for the best because miracles may happen! That has been the case in my life!