Staying Strong and Enjoying the Journey of Life

I think most people, if not all, would say that life hasn’t always gone as planned at some point in their lives. This has certainly been the case for my life in many instances. The key to this point, though, is that even when life is hard, complicated, frustrating, lonely, heart wrenching, or whatever else someone may be experiencing, each one of us has a reason to keep pushing forward and ENJOY the journey of life.

I wish I could say that throughout the whole time I have been dealing with my challenges—and with NMO in particular—I have completely thrown out fear, doubt, frustration, negative feelings, and confusion. I will say that I have been blessed to have an overall wonderful outlook and perspective on this challenge, but it doesn’t mean it has been easy or that I’ve been happy through it all. People have told me that I am strong, courageous, kind, happy, and inspirational during this whole process. I sincerely appreciate these compliments and encouragements, but I haven’t been perfect while climbing this mountain. For the most part, it sincerely has been easy to smile when I encounter others because I know God has a plan for me, and I could share this knowledge I have with anyone. I truly know Christ has helped me overcome so much and continues to do so, I just love to share His light. Since He has been the light in my life, I want all to experience His wonderful joy He can bring into one’s life. While discussing my situation with others, I have shared my perspective that everything will fully work out in the end, and even if the worst came, which I have had a small taste of, and I did become blind or paralyzed, I still would be okay. I really would be. So many people in this world are dealing with this now, and they are doing it! But even though I have this perspective, I will say that there have been moments when I’m alone, or with a close family member or friend, where it has been a grind to pull myself up, and really, truly trust that the Lord will help me through my hard moments. I do know that He will always be there for me or anyone else if we call to Him, but it still isn’t easy to completely hand your life over to the Lord. During those summer days in the hospital, I felt like I was handing over my ability to ever walk again in His hands. It sure wasn’t easy for me to accept this if it were to be my case, but I had to tell myself deep down that I’d do whatever the Lord needed me to do. He had a plan for me, and I was going to do it.

It has been an ongoing process and it still continues to be so. There have been moments when I break down and cry and times I struggle looking at myself in the mirror. I have also had times where I just look at myself in the mirror and feel sad for the changes my body has taken. It’s hard to see the effects of medicine on my young body. I’ve worried whether or not a young man would ever take me for who I truly am. I have wondered what the purpose of all of this is, and why of all people it is me dealing with this. I’ve never thought it in a dreadful, “poor me” type of way, but rather in true sincerity I’ve asked, why does the Lord want me to live with this condition and how will it bring me and others closer to Christ? I wish I knew the the complete answer to some of these, and I wish I could overcome these difficult and straining feelings at times...

BUT

I have learned to look at myself in the mirror, and tell myself that my outside doesn’t define me. I have gotten myself to look deep down at who I am, for I am a child of God. A child of an Almighty, Wonderful God who loves me and whom I love! I have had to tell myself with the changes my body has made that it will only last a period of time and that I am truly beautiful. I have looked at myself and said that I will conquer these challenges my body is taking a beating for, and that I will accept whatever the future holds for me. I have looked me in the eye and said, “you can do this, you were made for this!” I have had to accept that some things are totally out of my control, and if my medicine makes me have chubbier cheeks than I used to have, then it is for the better, and I still love me for WHO I am. I have decided that even though I wonder if a young man will ever want to marry me, that when one day it does happen, I will know he is THAT much better because he is willing to fight this with me and that he truly does love me for who I am. I have realized that he will truly know me, love me deeper, and will really be there for me. I just hope to be as wonderful as he is. I have decided the Lord has this challenge in store for me just like He has challenges for each of His children to face. This was the perfect challenge for me, and it helps me grow closer to Him. It’s been hard and continues to be so, but it is so worth it.

Even though at times I question what I am going through, or have times when I feel down, I know I can bring myself back up because of my Lord and Savior. He has made it possible for me to overcome my worst fears and struggles. But, it is my choice that I accept Him. It is my choice that I will continue to fight. It is my choice to enjoy the journey of my life.